HOW YOUR STAY IN PERU WITH ME WILL GO:

I can meet you at the airport when you come. I will help you to find your accommodation or I can suggest you your hotel. You can come even a few days before, if you want to get to know Lima (capital of Peru) or other places. But the tour with me will start on the day when we decide to leave Lima. I can take your bags and stuff that you do not need for Markawasi and I can guard it for you until the retreat/tour is over. In this way you don’t need to pay to your hotel for guarding your things.

 I will take you out of Lima to a place called “Chosica” and there we will get into a big bus that goes to village San Pedro de Casta, a place 6 hours away, high in the Andean mountain.

Here’s a video from the bus that we will be going with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAaGS8ByLIU

 

We will pass the rest of the day in the village. You will get to know it, it had well preserved its culture and people there are very simple mountain people. Even though it’s necessary to pass San Pedro de casta, happily the village is not yet so touristic. It’s a calm place and it will be good to stay there for us because that will help you to acclimatize. In the village there are a few local shops but they have very few things. We will eat what we have brought with us and I will arrange so that local woman from the village prepares us something to eat.

There’s no real hotel in this village. They don’t even have warm water. Beds are very simple. It is for us to decide if we want to pass the night in the hostel or camp ourselves (there is one nice place to camp close to the village that I know) outside in the tents. The later could be a better choice because in doing this we will check our tents. You need to have them good before reaching Markawasi. You don’t want to pass the night outside your tent in Markawasi, its cold can be freezing!

 

So, after having acclimatized in the village we will set ourselves to the summit plateau of Markawasi. We will leave early in the morning because we want to reach the place before the sun is too strong. I will hire some horses so we can go up riding but I think a good idea is to both walk and ride so I suggest taking a few horses and shifting among ourselves who’s riding and who’s walking. It depends of what you want.

I will hire donkeys to bring your backpacks and our food and provisions, I will pay your entry to Markawasi national park and we will go.

It will be around 3 hours ride/walk up and up the mountain. We will rise dramatically in elevation, we will rise about 1000 meters up! You will experience an interesting sensation of higher altitude – it is harder to move because there is less oxygen and you have to breathe more. It is not something unpleasant or bad, it is, rather, an interesting new sensation that you probably hadn’t have before.

After 3 long hours we will reach the plateau. Even though, during your journey up the mountain you may curse me many times for the hard, steep and rocky way, it will all change when you enter Markawasi. At least, for me it happens that every time I enter it I enter into deep inner silence. There are no thoughts in me, no emotions. Just being. Just feeling as if you are in a sacred place and time does not exist. You just feel like being home. This is my experience but many claim to have the same and this is the most important part of Markawasi for me – its spirit.

We will find a good place to camp there and we will set our tents and accommodate. 10 day retreat had just started!

 

 

You will feel like at home. It is a strange but, at the same time, so known feeling. Despite of the burning rays of the sun during the day (if you are not in the shadow), despite the freezing cold of the night you feel at home. And you hear silence. In Markawasi silence can be heard and you will have this experience.

You will enter into another frequency of being, you will feel as if meditating, as if dreaming yet awake, you will feel as if in some other world where there’s no time. Your natural inner transformations and healing will begin.

Indeed, there may be many strange things happening in you and in your body as a result of this “going back to the equilibrium”. You may have some physical pains or illnesses that you may experience but, in the end, that would heal you. You may have emotional explodes where you would just start crying – crying from joy, crying from sorrow, crying from everything and nothing at the same time. In these experiences you can come into a very close experience with God, or universe.

Well, such and many more were my experiences and those experiences of my friends who had stayed there.

 

The place is huge and one of the dangers I have to inform you is that it’s very easy to get lost there. Especially, in the rainy season when in less than in one minute you can find yourself in a fog, in a cloud and you cannot virtually see what is 2 meters in front of you. Villagers say that many people had never come back from Markawasi. People say that they either fell from the high cliffs (which are many) or were taken by Extraterrestrials. This is why I would prefer you not go far away from our site without me.

 

I will provide you food and it will be a good, nutritious food. Quinoa, maca, oats, Tibetan tsampa/Andean machika, real natural chocolate and cacao beans, peanut butter, honey, bread, cheese other things. In the cold nights I will prepare you hot soups and coca tea that will help you feel warm and strong.

If you want to have something extra to eat you can bring something yourself but I will try to give you everything I can and these 10 days will find you with good and nutritious food that will make you stronger. Usually, in the mountains you loose some weight because you do not eat as much as you normally do. My personal experience was that I decided to water-fast and I didn’t eat anything for 6 days. Fasting felt spontaneous and was easy, I didn’t want to eat. On the 7^th day I decided to eat, though, because I was very weak physically and fasting more was getting very dangerous for my life.

 

The spirit of Markawasi will take you in and your process of healing and psychic opening will starts. In the afternoons, when there will be no clouds we will be observing the sunsets that are completely not of this world! It was such a profound spiritual experience to me, it was not seeing a sunset but a meeting with God that is love. You will experience those sunsets for yourself.

During the nights with hot tea that I would prepare and your warm clothes we would get out of the tents and observe the starry sky. Stars seem to be so close that you feel you can touch them, you can see thousands or millions of them. It is very possible to see UFOs in the sky if you are lucky.

We will pass a few days like this and then, if you want, we can change the site and move to another place to get to know it. Depends on you, if you want to move. The site is big, as I said.

 

I will give you two shamanic ceremonies with master plants. It will either be the coca leaves and tobacco mapacho.

Mapacho ceremony would mean we have to drink a tobacco tea. It’s very strong in taste but you will manage drinking a cup of it. You will have to fight nausea because you may want to vomit. Just after drinking it you may feel some pain in your stomach because mapacho tea is something really new and strong for your stomach. But quickly the pain will go away and you will start feeling very very weak. You will lie down on your mat and you will feel as if there’s something happening within you. For both physical and spiritual healing takes place. You feel very weak but you feel good, you may feel a lot of peace and you may feel as partly outside of your physical body. That could be an opportunity to practice OBE, if you like. This way we will stay for a few hours, neither dead nor alive, lying on our mats or seated in a meditation position. I will be playing Tibetan singing bowl and chanting. You may also want to try of inhaling the tobacco tea through your nose. It’s an ancient shamanic rite and purification too.

Then, after a few hours, you will suddently “wake up” with an urge to vomit. You will vomit easily and without any pain and after that you will realize you feel good. You don’t feel as weak as before, you don’t feel any nausea anymore. You feel clear in your soul and in your body, you feel lighter, you feel happier.

 

In the ceremony of coca leaves we will have to chew them, many of them, as I will be playing my Tibetan singing bowl. After about 30 min of chewing you can already feel a different feeling in you – you feel more awake, more aware, you feel you have a lot of energy and strength but yet you remain concentrated and centered. You don’t feel less cold and you don’t feel hunger. If you continue chewing you start having an even deeper experience of peace and silence, of awareness. It’s more an inner sensation of tranquility and serenity and it feels like a connection with the universe and mother earth, whom Andean people call “Pacha Mama”. Coca experience centers you even more within yourself, it teaches you many things and it feels like a connection with nature.

 

So, in short, ceremony of tobacco mapacho heals and purifies you and ceremony of coca will give you strength and nutrients. Neither of the plants is hallucinogenic or considered drug (at least here, in other countries coca leaves will be considered drug because of cocaine). Let me remind you that coca leaves have nothing to do with cocaine. Coca leaves is a natural plant and it is highly used by native people and it is unseparable part of Andean culture and shamanism.

Tabacco Mapacho is a natural tobacco and it is tobacco that I grew and harvested myself. I will be smoking Mapacho with the shaman pipe of Abuelo and I will be healing you using the Mapacho smoke, as Abuelo (the master shaman) instructed and taught me to do.

 

This way days will be passing. I will be working on you giving you energy transmittions through looking into your eyes, putting my hands on you, sending you energy and other ways. I will be meditating and you will join me, I will play the Tibetan singing bowl and show you the place. I will teach you whatever you want to learn from me and you will have some good time to just be by yourself, relax, heal and understand many things. Many people had seen UFOs there or had contacts. I cannot promise neither to you but, as for my personal experience, I had experienced very strange and intense things there where I really felt presence of energies that are not of this world.

 

After those 10 days you will feel different. You will be different. I am sure there will be many new things you understood and you will feel strong and ready to continue your daily lives. You will feel charged-up spiritually and, even when you leave, you will carry the spirit of Markawasi with you that I don’t think will ever leave you. It is a sacred place and you will have its blessing.

On the 11^th day in the morning we will pack our stuff and go down the mountain, this time walking (but if you want I can arrange horses or donkeys to you also for going down. Going down is not as hard as going up is). We will reach the village, eat and take the bus leading us back to Lima where I will make sure to leave you in your places/hotels.

 

Tours to Markawasi

 

I have been to many places and have done many retreats of meditation. Every place was different. Yet the most impressive energy I have felt in Markawasi that is an ancient stone sculpture site left by the previous civilizations dating thousands or even millions of years ago.

 

Markawasi is a small plateau about 2 miles long and half mile wide that is on top of the remote mountain in the Andes, Peru. It stands at an elevation of 12500 feet above sea level, so higher altitude makes it harder to breathe.

This place has something in itself that leaves its visitors strange unexplainable sensations, physical healings and spiritual illuminations. Many claim to have had contacts with the extraterrestrials there and me myself I have to admit that in Markawasi I had very strange unexplainable and intense experiences and I really felt energies, perceptions that are not of this world, or, at least, anything of what we had known in our world

The site is full of huge and small rocks but the interesting thing is that in these rocks you begin to see shapes and forms of races and animals, not only present in this world today but also exinct millions of years ago. You walk in Markawasi and you feel as if you are waking in some ancient extraterrestrial museum and a museum of the history of our earth. People identify forms identical to those of Egypt raising a possible prove that probably, a long long time ago there was a connection between what is now Peru and Egypt, also easter island and other unexplainable sites around the world with a very advanced civilizations.

  Yet the most undeniable is the energy you feel in Marcahuasi. You feel it’s a sacred place. And if you are sensitive enough, you will experience many things to which you will not find any explanations. Ringing in your ears, entering a state of spontaneous meditation with no thoughts and emotions, physical pains and then healings, psychic experiences and connection with God or the universe. These are the things experienced by many who had stayed there on the plateau for more than a few days.

One thing remains for sure. This is a sacred place, a place of Gods. Once you’ve been here you will never be the same again. At least, I am not.

 

 

So this is my idea – to give people opportunity to go to Markawasi and stay there for 10 days with me in the tents. This will be more a retreat than a tour because 10 days can be a long time. But that’s the only way to get to know the place and feel it, make a connection with it and I can guarantee to you that you will have experiences there that you will never ever forget.

It’s not only a tour. It’s a discovery. This place is of enormous importance and yet it is not really explored. It is not yet as known and touristic as Machu Picchu, easter island or Egypt but I can assure you that in the years to come it will become very known and visited. Now it’s still your opportunity to get to know it before the world does.

 

I will repeat, it’s not only a tour. It’s a discovery. And if you go with me to Markawasi, you are an explorer and I know it for 100 percent that you will make your own discoveries. It’s an immense museum of the earth and the universe but, yet, more immense will be your inner journeys, feelings, healings and discoveries.

 

Indeed, many people said to have been healed there and I personally know some of them. Me myself I got healed there both spiritually and physically.

 

 So this is my proposal to you – I will organize (or you can organize) a group of up to 6 people that I will take to Markawasi with me. I will provide you everything I can – I will meet you at the airport when you come to Lima and I will help you to find accommodation in the city. I will provide transportation to Markawasi, food and water for those 10 days there and your return after the tour is over, of course.

 

So I will take a good care of you, you can trust me.

 

During those 10 days in Markawasi you will have opportunity to have a shamanic ceremony with me. We will take master plants. Most probably, that would be the Coca leaves or cleansing ceremony of Tobacco Mapacho.

 

This place is an ancient prehistorical site. Don’t think that in 10 days you will get to know it well. It can take a lifetime to explore Markawasi. So know that these 10 days of your life will be intense and I don’t think you will become bored.

 

We will stay in the tents up there because the site is completely isolated and that’s the only way we can survive. Markawasi is big so, if you like, we will change the place of our tents one or several times during our stay there. It depends on how we feel.

 

Most of the time you will be wandering around there, making your own discoveries. Also, I will be working on you, of course if you want it, giving you energy transmittions, helping you in your meditations, in the evenings I will be chanting and playing my Tibetan singing bowl and I hope you will join me too, chanting.

When the sun would be setting down we would be observing the most beautiful and inspiring moments I have ever observed in my life for I assure you, there was nothing more beautiful in my life than those sunsets in Markawasi. They were not just sunsets, they were my encounters with God.

In the nights you will have any star in the sky you want because you feel they are so close you can touch them. You can see it all so clear – thousands or millions of stars, you see the satellites and if you are lucky you can see the UFOs. Many ufologists go there.

 

 

 

 

 

IMPORTANT: see if you are fit enough for this tour/retreat. The problem may be the altitude sickness. It usually leaves after a few hours or few days but if you have problems with high altitude beware because then you may not be able to be with us up there.

Know that it’s less oxygen there so you will find it a little bit more exhausting to move. That does not feel bad, it feels, rather, strange and, even, funny. But if you want to move like you normaly would it makes you breathe more and gives more work for your heart. If you have serious heart problems, consider this.

To get to the summit I will hire horses and donkeys so reaching Markawasi is not a big deal.

 

Other than high altitude you have to know the following things:

1. One thing that hurts me when I have to say it to you is that for the moment I cannot provide you a tent there. And you better have a good tent! It’s gonna be cold at nights, and nights are many times freezing. During May – September it’s not very probable it will rain so simpler tents may do it (but keep aware that wind can be strong sometimes, don’t bring a garden tent) and the rest of the year it’s gonna rain and be foggy. All the seasons have something special, like another face of Markawasi. However, I am thinking of buying tents to be able to provide to people but now I don’t have money for that. If you don’t have a tent and you want to come you can buy a tent that I would tell you and bring it here. You will use it during your retreat and if after the retreat I have money I would buy it from you and if no then you could leave it with me and I would pay you later. The best thing, however, is if you have your tent, a good (preferably) mountain one.
2. You have to bring your sleeping bag, pad and you have to bring your clothes for the cold and rainy (depending on the season) weather and sunglasses and hat for the strong sun of the day. You have to have a good sleeping bag for cold weather. It can be very cold there during the nights! I will provide you a bag with warm water for the night for your feet or your body to warm you. But a good sleeping bag and clothes is a must. Bring your gloves and your cap and your scarf, bring your socks and warm shoes. If no, you will have to spend more time in your tent, inside your sleeping bag than outside!

Also prepare that during the days the sun can be very strong. There are many places of shadow where we can be but if you decide to walk into the sun have your skin protected with light clothes, bring your sun lotion (if you use it), hat, sunglasses and a lipstick. Lipstick can be of much use there because your lips may become very dry and start breaking. If you don’t have lipstick I can get you cacao butter that I find it very good for me, in this case.

3. There is a mountain stream that is like 30-90 mins walking from the Markawasi site. I will bring water from there, in the bottles. It’s a good water to drink. But if drinking this water scares you you will have to bring your own water or I can buy it to you from Lima but then that will cost a bit more for you.
4. I will provide you good food there but it will mostly be not-cooked food. It’s very good for your body and spirit but you have to know that we will have a special diet there. It will be nutritious – honey, peanut butter, real chocolate/cacao/cocoa, cereals, cheese, oats, Tibetan tsampa, maca, quinoa, yogurt some bread, some soups, tuna cans. Anyways, when you are there you naturally don’t want to eat much, you just forget about it. I have to warn you then after this retreat you can realize that you have lost some weight.
5. Keep in mind that you have to keep your equipment minimum because it’s not easy to get it up to the mountain. If you have too much stuff you will have to pay more to hire additional donkey to bring your things up to Markawasi (it’s 2-4 hours walk to Markawasi)
6. I will give you a ceremony (or a few ones, depending) with Coca leaves and Mapacho (Tabacco) that in Andean culture are very sacred plants and a part of their shamanism and healing. These are not halucogenic plants.

Coca leaves will boost your body with calcium, magnesium and will give you enormous strength and energy if you chew a lot of it. A few leaves or coca tea will help you with altitude sickness and will make it easier to breathe. If you chew more of them your body energy levels rise very much and it gives you strength (hard working native people use it whole day because it helps them to work very strongly). However, after chewing coca leaves ceremony you don’t feel bad, you don’t feel tired like after using some drugs or other Master plants. Also Coca leaves make you feel warm so it is very good to use it in the mountains. In the cold nights it can help us feel warm while watching the stars. And yet another thing about this highly nutritious medicinal plant is that it takes away your sense of huger. You will not want to eat. Coca leaves are very good for your bones, muscles and your entire body. It is a highly nutritious plant, I want you to check it out online. One more thing – coca leaves have nothing to do with cocaine.

 

Tabacco mapacho is another plant so much respected in Andean and Amazonian cultures. To native people mapacho is a master plant and shamans (Abuelo and me including) were smoking it very much. We used it for healing others and as a ritual. Mapacho has nothing to do with cigarettes, it is a natural tobacco plant that has nothing more added to it, no chemicals. I will perform shamanic healing/protecting rituals to you exhaling the tobacco over you (if you like, of course) and if you want I will give a tobacco cleansing to you and it will be drinking of mapacho tea (not boiled). It will be a very cleansing experience to your body and spirit but during the ceremony you will feel very weak and you will vomit one or a few times.

I will not charge you for the ceremonies but if you want to chew much more coca leaves or you want to smoke Mapacho then I can sell you some, at a good price. 

 

      San Pedro, Ayahuasca, other master plants. No, I prefer it not. It can be very dangerous to take these master plants in Markawasi mostly because it will give your heart too much work. San Pedro and Ayahuasca make you very weak and sometimes cold and if you are even more weakened by the high altitude and cold you can die. Also, the very place of Markawasi is already like a “trip” because of its strong energy. If you decide to take other master plants there then experiences can be very strong. If you insist on taking San Pedro or Ayahuasca in Markawasi then we would have to come to an agreement and you would have to sign a life-waiver so that I do not take responsibility if you die. I have taken San Pedro there myself and these were very strong experiences that I would love you to have, but for it you have to be really prepared and I will not take my responsibility if you die.

 

  

 

I AM STILL WORKING ON ORGANIZING THIS RETREAT AND WILL WRITE MORE/UPDATE HERE but for now this is the information I can give to you, I will update/write more in the following days.

Right now I am planning to go to Markawasi myself to prepare myself to give this retreat to you both spiritually and organizing it.

If you are interested then please write me to onebeyond@live.com and I will organize a group and we arrange the date comfortable to all of you and for me to go there.

If you could organize a group yourself it would be perfect, then I would give you a discount.

I will tell you of the cost/price of this retreat/tour soon, I still have to check out and calculate many things but I can start giving tours already in May – June 2013.

 

And, of course, feel free to write and ask me.

Onebeyond@live.com 

Hello Rodney,
I am so so sorry for the fact that only now I have read your letter (dated feb 5 2012), some 4 months ago. I apoligize Rodney. By that time I had stayed in the amazonian jungle in Peru, I stayed there for some 3 months and I was completely out of whatever comunication, I was in the pure jungle living with the shaman, enjoying his company and learning from him about the medicinal plants. I came back to "civilization" only a month ago and a few days ago I started comunicating back to people, writing letters and so on.



Thanks for the questions my friend.
What do I do all day long? If I am on the retreat in the nature, almost all of the time I spend "just being". I could say, meditating, but that would not be so right. The things just happen - I stay by the river observing it, feeling it, living with it and a few hours pass by. Then I walk and while I walk I see myself walking and I enjoy it. I embrace the trees, I feel them. I send love to people I know and are having hard times, I send love to entire universe. Then I merge into myself, I go beyond the body and mind and just stay there, live there, am there.
If I am in the city I have to be a "normal" person and interact with people, I do what all the people do - I help, I wash the dishes, I help. But when I have my time I do not watch TV, I prefer to stay alone in another room and "just be", go back into myself. Being in the cities and with people it is so much more complicated and I am still learning this.


Bad habits, you say, Rodney... Yes, years ago I was playing computer games too and I know how addictive it can become. Day after day until you finish the game and then you find another game hahaha. I don't know, nowadays these games do not attract me, movies do not attract me anymore. I think that life is so much more interesting than these games.
But, maybe, I have one suggestion. What I would do is that while playing or watching TV or youtube or even eating you stop for awhile, close your eyes and observe your breath. 5-10 breaths is sufficient. Or even less. Then you can write on the paper how many breaths you had observed and you continue playing, watching, whatever. After a few minutes, when the video game is loading (for example) you close your eyes again, you do the same. Again you write it down. And again and again.


At the end of the day you sum the progress you have made, those breaths. You can write them in some excercise book or on the paper and stick it to the wall. The next day you continue with this practice and you write it again. If you want more fun, at the end of the week you can count all the progress you have made or you can count the average sum of the breaths of each day.
In this way it will become something interesting, to make more breaths today than you had made yesterday, to progress, to do more. A sort of game, but a very good one.


This practice you can include even in your work, your job. When you have a few minutes or just a few seconds and there's nothing to do, do it. Write it down.
Or when you are waiting in line or by the traffic lights for the green. Use this time, this opportunity.


You can invent your counting system also. For example, I have my mala (a kind of rosary with beads) and when I practice I close my eyes and observe 10 natural breaths. For these 10 breaths I move one bead of the mala/rosary. So my counting system is one bead for 10 breaths.


Well, this is something you could practice my friend.


Also, every time before you eat do the same. If you are around people you can be with your eyes opened because not all the people would understand and respect what you are doing. Or you can pretend that you are reading a book or thinking something, but, in fact, you just observe your breath for a short while and then you come back to the world.


Another question I have from you is what did I do to fill in the time when I was practicing asceticism. Well, depending on what type of practice you mean. For example, sometimes I was fasting. Not eating anything at all. If you had tried it you know that time seems to go very slow, very slow. It would be easier to fill the time with something. But, in my opinion, you just have to face it and this is what real fasting would be. Facing yourself. Fasting makes it more complicated, harder. At least, for the first few days.


I practiced different things that could be described as "asceticism". I was living in cold without making warmth (burning wood) in winter. I would sleep on the floor with no mattress or blanket, I would try to sit in the full lotus position for as long as I could, I would fast, I would not drink, I would go celibate without masturbation, I would stay awake all night or many hours trying to meditate or just not to sleep. Well, many things. Now I do not practice these things anymore, I had outgrown them.
In a certain stage, if we feel that we need to do something of these or other things and we want to do it, lets go. Fully. Experience it, know what it is. It can help to make the mind sharper, can give you visions, understanding of what decision to make. But if you go too far with asceticism it can become dangerous and the results can become the opposite.


...just do what you feel, when you feel, how you feel. But do not think that by killing the body one can kill the ego for this was the way I believed. I thought that practicing austerities I can make the ego die. Well, during the time of austerities the presence of ego can seem to be smaller or even non-existent but, finally, when you come back from austerities, ego comes back.


Well, these are my thoughts, my spontaneous thoughts that I am writing to you. Hope it works, hope I have helped you, maybe.
Just... enjoy life. It's the gift and every moment of it is precious.


Take care Rodney, be well and start observing your respiration, if you like. It's a good practice and soon you will see the results of it.


Dolama


PS by the way, wouldn't you mind if I would copy some parts of this letter and post it to my blog? It's been maybe one year I didn't post anything on my blog, no more writings and I would love to start it again. No pressure though.

Hermit1yoga:
I was in Iquitos, Peru. Iquitos is the remotest part of Peru, pure jungle and the only way to go there is by plane from Lima Peru or by boat from Yurimaguas (it took me 7 days to reach Iquitos by boat. It took more time because the river was too low and we got stuck for one or two days in the sand of the river) or Pucallpa (takes much more time). Thus I went to Iquitos and from there I went some 2 hours by another small boat that is not so easy to get to one not much known community by the river and from the community walk 2-3 hours (if you walk fast). The road can be dangerous because you are in the jungle and you can meet snakes and scorpions and tigers but usually everything is all right. There lives another community (some 8 houses) and there lives the Abuelo (the shaman). He's like 96 years old now. Almost cannot see because he got malaria one time when he was a shaman already and while he was not conscious people treated him with antibiotics or something and that chemistry in the product took Abuelo's sight away. So he almost cannot see. And the Abuela (the wife of the Abuelo) is also very very old and she cannot hear. Shaman cannot see and his wife cannot hear. It's interesting because they understand each other very well.
There I stayed for some time. I think, in overall I stayed there for some 2 weeks. It's not so much but I had my strong experiences with the shaman because we turned to be like father and his son. Or grandfather and his grandson. Instantly I realized the Abuelo is enlightened being. His peace is undestructable and his love neither. I felt so much love from him that we became very close, soon. He asked me to help him when treating the patients and thus both of us were working together. Waking many times in the night when Joel (the sick almost dying man that had 50 years and had his legs swollen and hurting so much that he would be wailing, crying in the night and then he would moan "ABUELO! ABUELO!" trying to wake him with his moans. I would wake up and Abuelo would wake up. Searching for a matches and lighting the kerosene-lamp (here I helped a lot with my torch). We would both start healing the patient, I would be assisting the Abuelo.

AFTER AWAKENING You have to “digest” or assimilate things you realize. In the beginning each realization is a big boom but only with time this “boom” REALLY becomes a part of your being, not only something separate from your experience but knowledge that is deeply a part of your being.

These realizations will grow into you, you will grow into those realizations. You will loose your identity and become those realizations. It’s a very subtle process and it takes time, it’s no so easy to see it because it’s so subtle.

Those realizations you will have to “sort out”. It is like when you get many new things into your house. Let’s say, somebody gives you a ton of new things, new furniture, new CDs, new books, things and things and things. Your living room is full of those things here and there. It’s a great day, a great blessing! But now comes the time to put those things into order, to find a place to each of them and it takes a long time. To put this pencil into this drawer and this document on the shelf, this thing here and that one there. The same with the realizations. We get them like a big boom, a present of life but then we need to fully “digest”, “assimilate” it. In this period we learn to transmit our knowledge to others. In other words, you have to STABILIZE in your knowledge until that knowledge becomes REALLY unshakable and more solid than anything anywhere seen or unseen.

To be honest from MY side, I am still on this “period” of “growing in” completely into that what I know. The stabilizing in truth, I mean. And it’s been what seems many years that I am in this period. I remember those realizations, those big “booms” I’ve got during my first maybe 2 years of meditating in the forests. Lots of experiences of ALL kinds, realizations, visions. Then came the period when these things had to “sink” into me. I was kind of disappointed at first because I stopped having new realizations, new “booms”, I stopped having those experiences of ecstasy, telepathy, prophetic dreams, OBE and hundreds of others.

Only later I understood that it is all just a “face” of those realizations, the “appearance” that, deep within, does not have much to do with the real knowledge. Real knowledge started to come with the “stabilizing” process. The last 2 years in the forest in Lithuania I was growing into that what I already knew, I was “growing into” those realizations and truth I realized so quickly in the beginning.

And now, today, I am still “growing in”. I don’t know if I understand myself well here because it’s so subtle now. In the beginning the “stabilizing” was evident but with time “I” disappears more and more (even though at the very beginning I could already say that I feel no “I” anymore). I see that this “I” is a very hiding entity, even after years you continue finding some subtle hidden roots of it, almost dead and dying roots that normally I did/do not see. Very small, almost like the thread of the spider, almost transparent but still there holding something. It doesn’t feel like “I” anymore, but, rather, some webs and threads that once were holding this “I”, like the parts of the organism that once was alive but now dead.

 

You would love to have a clear and straight path. Me too. But such a path would not be a challenge for us and only with challenges we grow. When we have to move on but we do not know where, there’s no clear path is when we have to “develop” our senses, expand our consciousness.

Me also – sometimes I was/am wondering “what’s the reason why I’m living this?”  because up to my understanding or expectations life should go in “this” direction that I think I know. But things, events, thoughts, emotions happen that do not have anything to do with what I may expect from my future or my life. It feels like I’m maybe wasting my time, indulging into life situations that “are not for me” and just a waste of time and energy but…

But in the end I see I have opened another sense, another perception, another understanding, another level of consciousness. But paradoxically always from the things that in the beginning seemed “not for me” or going away from my “perfect path”.

April 25 2011

Prayer to THAT

 

It’s been many days that I wake up with the first thought in my mind “I don’t want to live this day”. I’m tired to live, tired to be. Tired of people around, tired of noises, anger and superficiality of people.

At the same time I want to thank you, MY DEPTH OF LIFE. Show my gratitude. For… being. I’m grateful to have eyes I have now after the operation, I’m grateful to see. I’m grateful for this beautiful and pure body I have. I’m grateful for this woman I know, I’m grateful for good friends I have, I’m grateful for this loving family I am staying with right now.

Strange – I came back to be with people with a name Dolama, a mother of compassion. Somebody to show you love and see you the way you are when you are left alone, misunderstood, lonely, sad. But I don’t find mother of compassion in myself now. All I find is a small mouse that wants to run away from everything.

Tired I feel from this world. Strange it is, in strange ways it affects me. Sometimes I think I’m too innocent and sensitive for this world and its ways easily hurt me. Just the way it is happening now.

At the same time I know that from everything we learn and grow. It is the pain I underwent that made me become what I am and gave me depth of being and understanding, and, of course, love.

I thank you the being of my life if these moments I live now teach me something. I feel bad, I feel like a fish on the shore, unable to get back into the water. Dying. Slowly.

 

But it’s only me, only my mind… If I look back I would find times many times more painful than this. There were painful moments and in them I found myself alone sad, broken, frustrated, without strength to lift myself back up and stand. In the end I see that it was these times that taught me depth and understanding. Times that I’m so grateful to have had.

 

There’s only one thing I want to end with this prayer:

I’m here not for me, my quest for myself is over. I’m here because… I feel grateful to you. I want to express this gratefulness and love to those around me. This is why I’m here and this is what I do, no matter now hard and painful it happens to be in moments.

 

QUESTION: People do not recognize me. People are so ignorant. I get so hurt by them and their ignorance. What should I do? ANSWER: I know it's tough. I know it's hurting. But this is the part of lifes' plan. They are unaware of what they are doing and they will not be aware for many incarnations, for hundreds and thousands of years maybe. The way you can help them (if you decide to) is not to turn back negativity to them, do not become angry, do not hate them, do not try to revenge them. Imagine that you have a very good friend, the best friend, a friend that you can count on. But suddenly she becomes ill, very ill and now she's at the hospital. She's halucinating, her situation is hard. You come to visit her but when you enter the ward she recognizes you not because she's halucinating, she's not aware of what is happening to her. She screams "who the fuck are you? Why did you come? Get the fuck out of here you fucker!". How would you react? It is her illness shouting, not her. You can leave the room, of course but you, as her best friend, can help her. You can simply sit onto the bed and look in her eyes. You do not need to say anything. There's no point in speaking with the blind - they will not understand. But your presence, your true presence is the key. You would look into her eyes and maybe suddenly she will recognize you, maybe she will recognize your eyes and will come back to sanity. This is what spiritual masters do. At the same time those blows of life are a part of your awakening. There will be many more to receive, sorry :) . With each of them you become more pure, more mature, closer to your true infinite nature - the Christ himself.

The most important part of the real spirituality is to shock people. To shock is to awaken, to start shaking you while you are asleep. If the person is sleeping and you tell him silently and tenderly "wake up brother" nothing will happen. You have touch him, to pour a glass of cold water on his head, to shake him, to kick him. The fake "spiritual masters" will try to appear spiritual. They will put white clothes on them, they will talk in slow manner, they will try to be in accord with what is supposed to be spiritual. The true ones do not care - sometimes they will do the complete opposite. To make the "fake disciples" go away. They will laugh, they will be strange so that only people who truly recognize would remain. This saves time and energy. People have many ideas about spirituality, while in fact, spirituality is beyond what could be understood. Spiritual person does not have to fulfill your expectations that you have for spiritual people. Spiritual person is free, is not confined anymore – why would he care to keep himself imprisoned in “I do this”, “I do not do this”? Spiritual person is free. You think that spiritual person will have white clothes, be a non-smoker, a celibate, would eat only one or two times a day, never say a bad word and so and so. NO! Enlightened person is beyond it all so there’s nothing “Good” or “Bad” to him anymore. And to shake your belief that spirituality belongs to Tibetan monasteries he will leave them. To shake your belief that spirituality belongs to vegetarianism he will eat meat. To destroy your belief that spirituality is celibacy he will have a woman. To destroy your belief that spirituality is non-violence he will wear knuckle-braces. You only try to change your masks. You think that if you put a mask of spirituality you will become spiritual. No – it is all only decorations. Why do people wash the outer side of the cup while the inner side is dirty? Wash the within for from there you drink. Spirituality is not concerned with what the people say. To find you have to go within…

No, marc, to be drunk with yourself is the most beautiful thing on earth, to share it is a gift to all. I'm happy my video arouse those feelings, that intense energy of life in you. That means it is worth uploading those videos. I do not put them there on internet to instruct people to something, to teach them something of the mind - I share myself, my very own self because I feel that it will arouse feelings of being, of divine freedom, of longing for something real in the people that will be watching those videos. Yes, of course it's difficult being sane in the insane society, staying human in the tribe of monkeys. But this is why you are here, this is why you chose this dream of planet earth to become your "waking-consciousness" marc. Read "Jonathan livingstone seagull" - I think you will like it. You wrote: "I think I made a mistake by telling all those personal things because when I read the message it just doesn't make so much logical sense" it's very good if it doesn't make so much logical sense. Logical writings are so boring to read... No life in them, no river of energy of spontaniety - just dead logic - feels like being with a corpse, not with an alive person. And your letter was interesting to read, by the way. Thank you for it marc. dolama or simply "do"